2 in the morning, having to get up early next morning, i can't sleep anymore. this's wierd, with the sequela of jet lag i've been able to sleep and get up early lately. don't know why. maybe the pressure, the nervousness that i shall start the crazy shift in maccas again scares me. it is time to move on. i really need to find a new job and quit "working for the evils".

unble to sleep, as usual the previous days in argentina flash back in my brain and inevitably make me feel bad, that i thought i belong more to there than in the queen blessed australia. it's been like a psychological disturbance, that i listen to argentine radios and try to speak spanish here, hypnotizing myself that i were still there. i think this is stupid. but i'm really trapped in the memories and unwilling to come back to reality.

maybe that's the real reason why all the memories of holidays looks so good. it was like a utopia where people get to temporarily escape from the pressure of work and life and just purely concetrate on having fun. besides that, south america is a really good place to do it, good vibes, and biiiiiiiiig character. i long to relive those moments in my trip where you couldn't foresee what's waiting for you in the next corner of life, like that afternoon, on the aisle, the meet of eyes. i still can't figure out why i let certain things happen and not the other ones. but that's not something new to me, since my life has been a constant struggle of "what if". then again, the feeling of masochism makes me appreciate the regrets, like the aesthetics of imperfection that always gives you something to use your romantic imagination to speculate on. whatever it is, it can never hurt because you can never go back. we can wait for the future but the future is unknown.

all of the words above come from the certain character i know, always alone and always quiet